The love within

I have died every day,

Waiting for you.

A love story begins at the start of your life. It grows bigger and stronger, yet it does not claim it`s power with greed or hunger. It patiently waits for you to be ready to release it`s meaning into the outside World and make it known. People pass it every day, every second and don`t spare a second glance at her, not even for the sake of curiosity. It remains quietly into the far side of your soul and stay there until the one day you remember seeing it. The day you die. 

Try to open your eyes from time to time, even if it`s just for a little while. Watch the sunrise or the rosy flowers from your garden that have grown somehow on their own. You never watered them, how come they are shy buds? How come spring has fallen upon them and not upon you? It doesn`t matter, it was in the past. Why don`t you try to make the spring come now for you? Just imagine.

This love, that doesn`t scream nor fights, will make it true. It will transform your icy heart to a wide ocean of beauty. The beauty within you. Let yourself drown, sink to the bottom and rise as new. A new you every single day. 

The love you feel is the love for yourself. Learn to treasure what you are before you treasure anything else.

Muzica

Imi lipsesc zilele in care soarele stralucea dinauntrul meu

Iar pe curba zambetului de copil atarna cu duiosie prima dragoste.

Astepti sau te ascunzi. Te privesc cu dragoste si regret momentul in care te-am intalnit. Imi zambesti, iti inchizi lenes ochiul intr-un gest jucaus si iti intorci spatele din nou. As vrea sa am curajul unui primitiv salbatic si fara constiinta, sa te strang in brate pana la refuz si sa imi umplu sufletul de mireasma ta, dar nu reusesc nicicum. 

Camera se afunda in aburi de caldura si fum de tigara, aerul este inchis iar in fundal se aude usor un jazz domol. Ma intind si apuc cu stangacie firul sortii, rosu aprins si dezlegat de la degetul meu cu brutalitate. Ce mi-ai facut? Am uitat ultimele zile, cum au trecut fara tine? Incerc in zadar sa fac diferenta intre vis si realitate, caci fiecare incercare imi e distrusa de dorul fara margini. Lasa-ma sa iti aud glasul rece, ma incalzeste mai mult ca orice, iar cu acordurile dulci imbata-ma sa uit ca nu sunt in inima ta. Ucigas in serie, nu vreau sa devin victima propriilor sentimente si nici sa iti invadez teritoriul atat de barbar aparat.

Ma ridic si trag scaunul scaunul langa geam. De acum te astept.

Cold war

Hello beautiful. I`m alone again, yet do you mind if I think about you? What are you doing? Do you feel fine, are you all right, are you sleepy, nauseous, happy, do you care? Each second is marked with your strong perfume, subtly braided with the cigarettes that you love much. I love them as well. I love seeing you puffing out their smoke on the balcony and how they shape your mouth in a pleased grin, how you seem so dreamy in spite of everything with only such a small thing and how they embrace your being every time. I used to watch you with silent admiration, for it to bloom into the flower of an innocent passion and then to get the ugly thorns of jealousy and sadness. It`s a winter time sadness, so could you sing it for me?

I remember your calloused fingers going slowly toward me and then backing away into the pitch darkness of another soulmate. I can`t see you, nor feel you there. We are close, yet we are so far apart that coldness began creeping up my shirt and lurking into my heart. I`m alone among so many.  

I can`t be strong for long.

Official blog

http://irisalekseeva.wix.com/thedream